Focusing

For several months certain things have happened that have shown me just how much you can't count on people - even family and supposedly close friends. Growing up you are constantly told to express yourself and not to bottle things up and yet the reality is that the majority of people do not want to hear what you have to say. They will politely listen a few times and then just stop altogether. At first I thought it was merely an American trait since we are taught to be polite and ask "How are you?" to people to be polite while we have no desire to actually hear what they have to say.  You are expected to just reply "Fine" and then move on. I have foreign friends who are doing the same thing. What this has shown me is that the saying: "You can only count on yourself" is true. I have taken that to heart and have tried to keep things to myself (except here) and to not burden anyone. I tend to only write what is actually going on when someone writes me and specifically asks me rather than just cold-writing them about things like I used to. Of course that tends to give a picture of "sunshine and lemon drops" to people on places like Facebook, but it doesn't make me into one of those constant complainers.

 

I have also started to focus more on myself than before. It's pretty easy living here on my small mountain and not knowing anyone in the whole state. Before I would constantly check-up on family members and friends - the only way I would hear from most is by me making the first move - but I have to decided to back off from doing that. If they want to know how I am doing then they can make the first move for once otherwise it's better not to "beg" them to talk to me.

 

I know this sounds pretty depressing, but it's not. I have accepted the fact that the majority of my family (from extended to immediate) and my friends are selfish at heart and only care about themselves. While I can be pretty selfish and arrogant I always had a moment to try and help those that asked me even if we haven't spoken in a while. My mom taught me that. She was the only self-less person I have ever known. She also had to deal with family and friends who never talked or wrote to her- even in an emergency - and I was constantly having to make excuses for them. The real reason was they couldn't care about someone other than themselves.

 

I have started this new policy for the past few weeks and so far it is working for me. I know where I stand with people and so try not to dwell on that reality and instead place more emphasis on myself. I am not against having a relationship with my family or friends, but it will only happen if they start putting in some effort. So far - no one has and I suspect that most don't even notice a difference.